I Got My Millennial Membership Card

Walter and I tried avocado toast last month, and there was no turning back. Basic, cliche, predictable…call us whatever you like. A little olive oil, red pepper flakes, chunky sea salt, pepper, and lemon, and I call it delicious. It’s been our breakfast every day, or at least as often as we can find good avocados. Add this to the long list of industries my family is murdering, folks, because we are Avocado Toast People now. We’re fashionably late, but it’s a party over here.

Breakfast time at our house

While this signifier has surely qualified us for millennial membership, the powers that be might revoke our card carrying privileges once they find out this next bit. I recently read a short list of stereotypical “millennial foods,” and I was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, to discover that I despise most of them.

Kale: a crusty joke food God created just to see if we’d eat it.

Overnight oats: the rude, less good I’m-better-than-you cousin of oatmeal.

Chia seed pudding: the stuff that unforgettably looks like fish eggs.

Sriracha: the hot sauce that’s not as good as pretty much every other hot sauce.

Zoodles: the fake noodles that end up watery even when you try tips to make them not watery.

These are hard truths to swallow. Literally. If you disagree, may I recommend that you direct your frustration at the YouTube fitness and lifestyle influencers who promised you that chia seed pudding “tastes just like dessert?” They are the true criminal masterminds!

Crime in a mason jar

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