We are the people who thought it was weird to refer to your pets as your kids and to yourselves as parents, until we had cats of our own and it was instantly not weird anymore. Overnight we became Mom and Dad and began using voices to imagine what our cat children are thinking and saying to us. Judge if you must, but we are most definitely Those People. Slap a Cat Mom button on my chest, make cat lady jokes, and buy me tea towels with cats on them, because as of 2011 when we bought our first kitten, this is Who I Am. You should know that the tea towel thing is real, because our friend bought us one for Christmas a couple weeks ago.
Recently, I wrote about our first cat Oliver, who passed away in early 2014. If you want to hear more about him, you can read about him here. Today, I’m introducing you to the two cats we have now: Colin and Alice. Let’s meet some cats! Cue game show music and applause from a studio audience!
First, there’s Colin. Colin is a seven and a half year old gray tabby who is the snuggliest cat you’ve ever met. He has never scratched or bitten us and wouldn’t dream of it, because he understands the sacred feeder/feedee relationship we have going.
Colin sits around in hilarious poses like a model on a cover shoot, and we enjoy making him dance. He does not enjoy this. I will say, he is a very forgiving cat. We once dressed him in a Build-A-Bear tuxedo as a kitten, and he still seems to love us. We even tried to toilet train Colin (and Oliver) because we are crazy people, and he forgave us!
Colin is very squishy and has been on several unsuccessful vet-prescribed diets. One vet had trouble locating his internal organs when feeling his body during an exam. That’s how much flab we’re working with here. He’s spent years crafting this body, and he is living his best life. At his core, Colin is a huge, sleepy ball of fluff.
Behind Door Number 2, we have Alice. Alice is a four and a half year old gray tabby who is a vengeful banshee sent by God to punish me for my past misdeeds.
For most of her life, she has preferred W over me to an extreme extent, refusing to be touched by me or picked up. It’s only in the past year that she’s warmed up to me, which feels very suspicious. In particular, she sits on my feet now. No idea why. Alice will eat anything, but her favorite is whipped cream. She recognizes the sound of the cap coming off the canister and comes tearing around the corner into the kitchen from rooms away within seconds. I’m not sure what this says about us and how often we eat whipped cream, but I think it means that we, not unlike Colin, are living our best lives.
When I say Alice will eat anything, I include things that aren’t edible. She particularly enjoys electrical cords. Mac chargers must be delicious, because she’s eaten through three. An extra charming moment this week was discovering that she’d chewed through the Verizon FIOS fiber optics in the ten or so minutes it was left unattended. W had to take time off work (he works from home) while we waited for the Verizon man, who thought this was all very funny.
With these two clowns around, there’s always something going on. They get along well with only an occasional tiff where we have to intervene. We laugh at their antics most of the time and only feel like they’re using psychological warfare to slowly drive us insane sometimes. That’s our current little cat family, and I’m happy to have introduced you!