2018 Unfavorites – These Are All Terrible

Unfavorites are something I’ve seen before, especially on Youtube, and I couldn’t resist. I have unfavorites for each favorites category except for TV and Home. Brace yourself, because 2018 hath wrought each of the following things.

Music

Havana, Camila Cabello: If you say you’ve never heard this song, I know you’re lying. The only way you’re telling the truth is if you live under a rock. Not a proverbial rock, a literal rock. A rock in Antarctica, surrounded by penguins like a shield. A rock on Mars, on the opposite side of the planet as the NASA InSight Mars Lander. As far from civilization as possible. As for me? I go nowhere without hearing this song.

The Middle, Maren Morris: I first heard this song on a Target ad. Then I heard it on another Target ad. Then I heard it inside a physical Target. Then I began hearing it everywhere that isn’t Target. I suspect if I open my window right now, I’d hear “The Middle” faintly emanating from somewhere nearby and into my home. You, me, and everyone we know cannot escape “The Middle.”

Maren on her way to my apartment as we speak

Movies

A Wrinkle In Time:  W and I were excited to see this. We rented it and settled in for a great movie. How did this movie get so bad? How many people looked at it in each stage of planning and production? How could they do this to Oprah? Did just one guy realize, say oh shit, and quietly exit stage left? I’ll never have the answers. But I do know this is a bad movie.

Annihilation: I can’t tell you what I expected from Annihilation going in. The visuals were gorgeous in a disturbing way, I’ll give it that. But when I spend the last 45 minutes of a movie feeling confused to the point of frustrated, it’s not a good time. “Why?” “What?” “How?” “That makes no sense!” “What was real?” “Who’s actually dead?” “What did it mean?” were all things I said to W. The more I think about and analyze this movie, the less sense it makes. It also feels like the type of movie that has a dedicated following somewhere who would say to me that I “just don’t get it,” and I hate that. I hate that so much.

See, blah symbolizes blah blah, and the average person only notices blah which is why blah blah is so deep…

Food

Dole Whips dessert at Disney parks: Don’t listen to the innumerable travel blogs, food blogs, Youtubers, and dearest people to you in the world who all tell you that Dole Whips are great and a Disney bucket list food to eat. I don’t know what kind of conspiracy is going on, nor do I know what kind of horrible dirt the Disney Higher Ups must have on your loved ones, but it’s bleak. I’m here to tell you the truth, consequences be damned. Dole Whips are mediocre vanilla soft serve ice cream with what seems to be canned pineapple juice slopped over it. It’s mediocre vanilla soft serve ice cream that you pay someone to ruin. Every single other food at Disney parks is superior. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Literally any other food is better at Disney than this

Enjoy Life Crispy Grain & Seed Chocolate Marshmallow Bars: Since Enjoy Life is such a great brand for dietary limitations, I have loved them for a few years now. We always have their chocolate chips in the cupboard, and I’ve never tried a product of theirs I didn’t like. Until a month ago, when I tried these bars. I bought them with confidence, thinking they’d be perfect to throw in my bag while I worked at a busy convention. Boy, was I wrong. They taste like what I imagine a very old classroom chalkboard eraser might taste. Stay far away!

Tomorrow’s favorites is my last post for 2018…Personal Goals!

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