Things I Can’t Stand

These five things drive me absolutely bananas. Do they drive you bananas? Do I drive you bananas? Only one way to find out…read on!

1. Earlier this year, I read that all the plastic toothbrushes ever used in the history of mankind are still intact somewhere on the planet. ALL THE USED TOOTHBRUSHES. I cannot un-know this. I think about it all the time. You must now suffer along with me.

2. The board game “A Ticket To Ride.” I hate this game. It is not fun. But somehow, there are people who love it. There are tournaments. There is more than one edition. There are so many games to play that are not “A Ticket To Ride.” Yet “A Ticket To Ride” continues on. As does my war on its existence. And its war on mine.

3. Those millionaire houses with glass walls. You know what I’m talking about. Stand by for visual aid.

Visual aid, activate!

Do these people not believe in privacy? Do they walk from the shower to their room without clothes on without a care in the world? Do they not care if you look inside their house? Are they that confident they have chosen a spot so far away from the poor that there’s no chance the poor are counting their editions of “A Ticket To Ride” on the coffee table through binoculars nearby? Would you live here? Why? Please explain this housing choice without using the word “architecture.” Thanks.

4. Manifestations of fandom mash-ups. This goes for fan art, cosplay, fan fiction, and anything else like this. I’m talking “The Doctor from Doctor Who, but as a Starfleet cadet, and his best friend is Darth Vader, but in a Harley Quinn outfit” kind of stuff. Mario as a Pokémon trainer! Elsa in Game of Thrones! Voldemort in an Alice in Wonderland dress! Sherlock Holmes in the Hunger Games! Is there a line? Up is down, and down is up! This sort of thing rubs me the wrong way, and I truly do not understand why. It just does. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, stay ignorant and happy, and move on to #5. All you need to know is that the madness must end.

How I feel when Jon Snow is onboard the Millennium Falcon.

5. Men’s pancake breakfasts and women’s craft circles in church communities. Just once, I want to attend a women’s pancake breakfast, served by the men. And I want the men’s option to be sitting and glueing things and writing the get well cards for people in the fellowship. And they don’t get any pancakes! I want to see this all get announced with a straight face during the service. I have dreams, like everyone else!

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