Things I Will Never Be Good At, An Incomplete Record

I am sorry, but it’s time to tell you that I’m not good at everything. I know it’s hard to believe that I, third place winner of the North Jersey Homeschool Association spelling bee TWO YEARS IN A ROW, am not perfect. But here we are. These are things I will never ever be good at. Ever.

An Incomplete List

I will never be able to sufficiently dance “The Wobble.” I do not understand “The Wobble.” “The Wobble” is not the only dance on this list.

I will never be able to apply nail polish to my right hand without applying more to the skin than the nails. This will never not happen.

I will never be able to like someone quite as much after they announce that Settlers of Catan is “so fun” and that it’s their favorite game. I cannot forgive this preference. Our relationship has been forever changed.

I will never be able to cook dry beans correctly. The last time I tried, the pot of black beans that was simmering on the stove silently overflowed. Beans inside the burners, beans behind the stove, beans on the walls. I’m not exaggerating. I hope you like canned beans, because that’s what we’re eating until I die.

I will never be able to dance the Macarena without being transported to the 4th grade against my will all over again. Bad experience in gym class. The takeaway here is no Macarena.

I will never fold the extra fitted sheet in a way that makes sense. I will never see a diagram or watch a tutorial on the subject that I’ll recall at the only relevant moment. Show them all to me. None will stick.

If you know me and can helpfully think of other Things I Will Never Be Good At, please submit them! If you don’t know me and submit one, well, that’s very strange of you. But if your submission has merit, I’ll take it under advisement!

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