Non-Dairy Ice Cream That Doesn’t Taste Like An Old Shoe

I love ice cream. It’s my favorite food, if you can really classify ice cream as food. It’s an understatement to say I have a sweet tooth. All of my teeth are sweet teeth.

Over the years, W has noticed more and more that dairy affects his body in not so pleasant ways. It hurts his stomach, but it also gives him what he calls “dairy brain.” His mind races, and he has trouble sleeping. He takes lactaid pills to lessen these effects on the occasion that he does eat something like cheese or ice cream. Because the bleak alternative is no cheese or ice cream.

Even though he doesn’t crave dessert like I do, he enjoys it from time to time. I wanted him to be able to eat it and not need to take lactaid pills or worry about sleeping, so we’ve been experimenting over the past year with non-dairy ice cream. Disclaimer: I can’t judge almond/cashew milk ice cream because I’m allergic to nuts! If it’s awesome, I’m happy for you! But also jealous because that’s ice cream I can’t have. Mostly happy.

To the rest of the people out there, let me tell you that for the past few years there have been way more bad options than good on the market, at least among the ones I’ve tried. If it tastes like sherbet or an old shoe, it doesn’t count as ice cream! If it’s icy or grainy or doesn’t scoop, it doesn’t count as ice cream! Your girl is not messing around. This is SERIOUS.

There is a surprising number of actual ice cream shoes when you image search “ice cream shoe.” You learn something every day!

Recently I think the market is starting to shift in response to the demand for non-dairy ice cream, because I keep seeing more brands coming out with new, better options to try. We have standards too, damn it! Nobody wants to scrape frozen shards off a block of coconut milk into a bowl of sadness. We deserve a scoopable consistency so we can eat our frozen sadness out of a cone if we feel like it. Give the people what they want!

Behold my current favorite, Haagen Dazs Chocolate Fudge Salted Truffle non-dairy ice cream. It is decidedly unshoe-like.

Another option I like depends on your tolerance for a coconut side taste. I say side taste because every flavor from this brand definitely tastes like that flavor but also distinctly like its base, coconut milk. Like the chocolate chip cookie dough is more like chocolate chip coconut cookie dough. The brand is Luna & Larry’s Coconut Bliss, and I like every flavor I’ve tried!

Do you have non-dairy nut-free ice cream recommendations? Send them my way if you do. No shoes, please.

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